Opinion | Todays Opinions: The Taylor Swift conspiracy theory, explained

August 26, 2024

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In today’s edition:

Going deep into Traylorgate

Deep in the bowels of the Central Intelligence Agency, situated between the Princess Diana Coverup Unit and the bureau dedicated exclusively to decoding the Kryptos sculpture, is a desk of officers working tirelessly to fix Super Bowl LVIII for the Kansas City Chiefs, such that tight end Travis Kelce and his pop-star girlfriend Taylor Swift (whose relationship is also a deep-state machination) can announce upon victory that they are going not to Disney World, but rather to every home in America to force you to vote for President Joseph Robinette Biden.

Or so one assumes.

To put it in fewer words — supplied by former Trump administration official Stephen Miller: “What’s happening with Taylor Swift is not organic.”

Oh really? “Chillax, dudes,” Gene Robinson writes. Taylor Swift is not the enemy.

Gene has some ideas for why some conservatives have reacted so angrily to Traylor Swelce and muses understandingly about their fragile feelings of ownership over what they think ought to be a super-macho sport. But he can also see how awful the optics are of “trying to demonize two of the most beloved phenomena in American culture.”

The truth is, if the Chiefs win, it won’t be a psy-op. If Swift endorses Biden, it won’t be a conspiracy. Please — the CIA has more important work to do. Like the Princess Diana coverup.

Chaser: Even absent a conspiracy, Trump should still be very afraid of Travis and Taylor, Rick Reilly writes.

The Mideast’s tricky three-cushion shot

Okay, imagine a pool table. Now imagine it’s on fire! And the only thing that can extinguish the flames is a perfect shot! But the clock is ticking! What clock? The clock on the balls THAT ARE ALSO BOMBS!

This, David Ignatius writes, is the Middle East.

The “daredevil act out of Las Vegas” that he describes in the opening to his latest column is pretty outrageous; then again, so is the diplomatic situation right now surrounding the Israeli-Arab conflict.

“Unlikely as it might sound,” David says, such a “high-risk shot might be the best way to put out the raging inferno of the war in Gaza.”

The deal he describes involves Saudi normalization with Israel in exchange for an end to the Israeli offensive in Gaza, and its commitment to eventually recognizing a Palestinian state. It’s a lot going on at once; David, analyzing everything’s position, coaches how and when to pull off the maneuver.

And that’s just one crisis in the region. As President Biden calculates how to respond to the Iranian-proxy drone attack that killed three U.S. service members this past weekend in Jordan near the Syrian border, Josh Rogin urges him not to pull the troops stationed there.

Tower 22 and the regional bases like it, Josh writes, are the last bastions against Iranian domination of a “huge swath of territory from Tehran to Beirut”; their disappearance would endanger civilians and allow the Islamic State to resurge, too.

Meanwhile, Fareed Zakaria counsels Biden not to fall into the trap of a large escalation either, especially considering that conventional armies’ offensives against militias rarely go well. And because everything in the Middle East is linked, always, escalation could endanger the delicate pool game David describes, as well.

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“Iran’s proxies are trying to stir up as much chaos as possible to force the United States and Israel into large-scale strategic blunders,” Fareed writes, “which would among other things spoil a possible normalization of relations between Israel and Saudi Arabia.”

So that flaming table has a crazed bar patron shaking it, too. Got it — and good luck.

From Catherine Rampell’s column applauding Trump opponent Nikki Haley for calling out the economic idiocy of this idea. Trump can bluster however he wants, but the truth is that tariffs raise costs for Americans.

In fact, one rough analysis concludes that Trump’s tariffs would increase domestic prices by two or three percentage points. “That’s about double today’s pace of inflation,” Catherine points out.

You’d think, she writes, that a party running largely against Biden’s inflation record would reject this brand of protectionism. But no; Haley stands distressingly alone.

Chaser: Haley really should have a great case for electability over Biden (and Trump). Karen Tumulty explains why it isn’t working.

More politics

House Republicans’ immigration bill, Eduardo Porter writes, is a joke. The punchlines, too numerous to list entirely, include blocking electric vehicles, protections for anti-vaxxers, religious counseling for border agents … and nothing that might actually stem immigration.

“The collection of peeves from the culture wars scattered through Republicans’ bill,” Eduardo says, “underscores just how crazy it was for anyone to believe the GOP would take an honest shot at solving what has become President Biden’s biggest political headache.”

Instead, the party will just impeach Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas! The Editorial Board, looking at the facts, rules the attempt an “embarrassment” that would do nothing to fix the very real problems at the border.

Unfortunately, this non-efficacy increasingly clearly appears to be a feature, not a bug. As Dana Milbank writes in his roundup of the week’s chaos at the Capitol, House Republicans’ goal — same as it ever was — “isn’t to fix a problem. It’s to exploit one.”

Chaser: Marc Thiessen, meanwhile, thinks Republicans — who have all the leverage here — are right to balk at any border agreement that requires concessions from them.

Smartest, fastest

Elmo asked this week how everyone was doing, and the consensus answer was … not good. Alexandra Petri goes deep into Elmo’s ensuing dark night of the soul.
What’s been the result of all of Congress’s showdowns with Silicon Valley? Pretty much nothing, Adam Lashinsky writes.
Retired military officials Louis Caldera, Ray Mabus and Deborah James explain why protecting abortion care is part of national security.

It’s a goodbye. It’s a haiku. It’s … The Bye-Ku.

Thicket of theories

Taylor, pray tell us: Are we

Out of the woods yet?

Plus! A Friday bye-ku (Fri-ku!) from reader Michael P.:

Conspiracy whine

And a loudmouth candidate

Endless campaign year

Have your own newsy haiku? Email it to me, along with any questions/comments/ambiguities. Have a great weekend!

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